I fell asleep quite early last night, then woke up once again, just before midnight, by myself. It’s not nice to feel so alone. I think I have issues. It’s all very well for it to be said to set yourself apart (in the Bible) but I don’t think it’s realised just how lonely it is (or can be) to be set apart or to try to be. Every issue in your life to be the only one that has to think and worry about, then actually deal with; it’s not easy at all. For all areas of doubt, you can feel as though you’re banging your head against a brick wall or within a box, which is being shaken profusely by someone else, and not caring the damage being done to you, as you rattle away inside.
It can be hard to block the sounds of the outside world out, when You are an Ambassador of Christ, but it takes training, meditating and connecting with God Most High to help you to do so. As well as doing all that He requires, you have to realise what the world looking at you are seeing, because you become a spokesperson. All too often, people who are not as religious as you (or more appropriately, have a belief), will be looking on and waiting for you to put a foot wrong. Oh yeah, they are most likely to realise what you do wrong rather than what you do right and not at how long it took you to get there. They go about doing exactly as they wish but we realise there is a higher being that we have to answer to. Ordinarily I don’t have an issue but where my head is at the moment, I do. I am confused. I have stepped out of the place where I should be and am taking a look around at my surroundings…I can’t be the only one that is/or has ever felt like this and continue to do so, once in a while. What makes it worse is that the state of play, at the moment, means there may not be that much of life to enjoy and that makes this even worse. People in their comfy houses surrounded by loved ones, don’t realise that being a person on your own is not nice at all. It’s not as easy as just being invited to other peoples homes, because the feeling is that you shouldn’t have to; by doing that you are taking part in someone else’s happiness, joy and comfort, when you want your own.
When studying the Word, I came across the scripture Romans 7:14-21.
14 We know that the Law is spiritual, but I am a creature of the flesh [worldly, self-reliant—carnal and unspiritual], sold into slavery to sin [and serving under its control].
15 For I do not understand my own actions [I am baffled and bewildered by them]. I do not practice what I want to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate [and yielding to my human nature, my worldliness—my sinful capacity].
16 Now if I habitually do what I do not want to do, [that means] I agree with the Law, confessing that it is good (morally excellent).
17 So now [if that is the case, then] it is no longer I who do it [the disobedient thing which I despise], but the sin [nature] which lives in me.
18 For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh [my human nature, my worldliness—my sinful capacity]. For the willingness [to do good] is present in me, but the doing of good is not.
19 For the good that I want to do, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.
20 But if I am doing the very thing I do not want to do, I am no longer the one doing it [that is, it is not me that acts], but the sin [nature] which lives in me.
21 So I find it to be the law [of my inner self], that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good.Romans 7:14-21 (AMP)
I have seen it so many times but tonight it really hit home. There are times you face a battle and your first thought is, I’m losing control and that maybe, just maybe, I have no hope at all. However, seeing this, it reminds me that His grace is sufficient for me and you, 2 Corinthians 12:9.
9 but He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.” Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me.2 Corinthians 12:9 (AMP)
It is through my weakness that Christ’s power may be known. Also, knowing that He is my creator, and gave me all my emotions and foresaw everytime I would feel like this, I just need to seek Him more and rest in His presence. Part of me can be comforted in times like this, but then all the other scriptures, about being judged, and eternal damnation, sit in the back of my mind and I’m not sure…I’m not sure if everything will be ok. I can live in hope but then there’s the thought that maybe all my efforts are in vain. However, I am covered by The Blood of Jesus Christ (I must remember that). When we evangelise and speak to others, I think we’re supposed to give hope, but I think we need to keep it real, so that others are aware there will be moments when you are knocked for six. You have to keep going and The Most High God is, and will always, be there.
Scriptures of Hope
“God is not a man, that He should lie,
Nor a son of man, that He should repent.
Has He said, and will He not do it?
Or has He spoken and will He not make it good and fulfill it?Numbers 23:19 (AMP)
‘Do not fear [anything], for I am with you;
Do not be afraid, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, be assured I will help you;
I will certainly take hold of you with My righteous right hand [a hand of justice, of power, of victory, of salvation].’Isaiah 41:10 (AMP)
55 O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”
56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin [by which it brings death] is the law;
57 but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory [as conquerors] through our Lord Jesus Christ.1 Corinthians 15:55-57
The Armor of God
10 In conclusion, be strong in the Lord [draw your strength from Him and be empowered through your union with Him] and in the power of His [boundless] might.
11 Put on the full armor of God [for His precepts are like the splendid armor of a heavily-armed soldier], so that you may be able to [successfully] stand up against all the schemes and the strategies and the deceits of the devil.Ephesians:9-11 (AMP)
And my God will liberally supply (fill until full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.Philippians 4:19 (AMP)
23 Let us seize and hold tightly the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is reliable and trustworthy and faithful [to His word];
24 and let us consider [thoughtfully] how we may encourage one another to love and to do good deeds,
25 not forsaking our meeting together [as believers for worship and instruction], as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more [faithfully] as you see the day [of Christ’s return] approaching.Hebrews 10:23-25
13 So prepare your minds for action, be completely sober [in spirit—steadfast, self-disciplined, spiritually and morally alert], fix your hope completely on the grace [of God] that is coming to you when Jesus Christ is revealed.1 Peter 1:13 (AMP)