You are a delight, not just to me, but to others in the body of Christ, your family, your job and in your area and nation. Do not doubt it! Where you have submitted your tongue to me, and your heart to love others, you have been Christ to them. My pleasure is over you. Where you have spoken beautiful soothing things into sore relationships, you have bestowed beauty and blessings to battered believers and your words have been seen and heard. Rejoice that you have made a difference. Believe me that you display my beauty. Thank you for choosing the voice and words when speaking with others that I long to speak to them. They see me through you.
‘Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.’
At the beginning of 2021 I wrote a piece on my thoughts of the previous year and the year which was to come, and it was late. The same is happening for this year round, but for different reasons. This year I was quite ill. I had a Sickle crisis and it was horrendous. It started on Christmas Day (in the evening), got progressively worse very quickly and ended approximately 10 days ago. In all my years, my crises have only been that long on a few of occasions. I am now 48 years old.
Leading up to the end of the year, I was able to bash out a few pieces for the blog and had in my mind a few ideas for what I would write about in 2022. It was my intention to vamp it up and do new things, more frequently, but since having the crisis I have been empty. When I say empty, it’s as though I didn’t know what to write about or even how to write. Ideas would come to mind, I’d witter away to myself, and as soon as I sat in front of my iPad, my mind would be blank. Literally blank! I couldn’t remember what I had been saying to myself and there would be nothing for me to try to say. Prayers said offline or that I would put on my blog before, now appeared to be impossible to do. Yesterday, however, as I wittered away to myself I did it with a hope that everything would be okay and it was. HalleluYah!
My day started early, as I had to go to the hospital because I thought I had gone almost completely deaf in my right ear. I actually wear hearing aids in both ears and the right is worse than the left. I had previously been told that it was moderate to severe but I hadn’t realised the gravity of the situation. I went in for an emergency appointment to see the Audiologist.
She checked both ears, everything was clean and not blocked, questions were asked, then I was sent for a hearing test. The tests were done; the last time I had one was at the beginning of last year and I was told that there was little change. On this occasion, the reason I couldn’t hear was because the setting on my hearing aid was incorrect. This was the moment of realisation of exactly how deaf I am. The left ear isn’t as bad as the right, but that is where most of my ability to hear is coming from. Thank God for His tender mercies! Another appointment has been made for me to have the hearing aids retuned. If that doesn’t work then they will be upgraded.
I have been wearing hearing aids for several years now. Years ago, I went to sleep and woke up unable to hear in my right ear. Complete silence! Gradually, over several months, I began to hear: slightly! Even my GP thought I either had a cold in my ear OR there was water in it! It took a long time to be diagnosed but I was eventually told my Sickle Cell was the cause; something about a blood clot around the nerves (or something similar). The night before the hearing loss, I went to a family get-together and was sitting right beside the music box, so it was suggested by some, that was the cause. Who knows! I queried it with the medics and they have said that may have had something to do with it, but they really doubt it was the whole reason. I’m leaning on what they have said because I know how I was feeling at the time. As I sat near to the speakers I was feeling locked in (will explain that at some point in the future!). I didn’t understand what was happening, but a change was occurring. With regards to my ears, I’ve had to cope for such a long time, being unable to hear properly. The hearing in the left began to deteriorate gradually, over time. It must have been overworked. I was also diagnosed with epilepsy, so I know strange things were happening in my head, that I didn’t really understand. There were parts of my brain that were not doing what they were supposed to and I still have the problems now, but not as much as I used to.
‘…parts of my brain that were not doing what they were supposed to…….’
At first I would pretend to hear; stuck in meetings being unable to hear properly and then for some reason my brain couldn’t understand the information it was receiving. They were just words! Words which seemed to be in another language, that I couldn’t comprehend. However, rather than trying to seek help, I would tell myself that I was ‘just stupid’, ‘…can’t understand simple things’… and wonder…’what’s wrong with me?!’ It was only a few years ago that I started to become open about the fact that I couldn’t hear. I would let people know that I hadn’t heard them or couldn’t. I began to wear the hearing aids more often. Friends were really shocked to see me wearing them. I began to accept it and was able to apportion the blame on being partially deaf, as I wasn’t the only person in the world in that situation.
During the lockdown I had begun to meet up (online) with the Sickle Cell Group for South London. It is so refreshing to meet with people that have the same issues as you. After growing up with being totally reliant on prayers when feeling unwell, being aware of what problems can occur provided clarity. It was via this group that I was able to discover that sometimes people with Sickle Cell have cognitive issues. This is something I will need to look into further. Now I’m not saying that Almighty God shouldn’t be included in such matters, because He should. It is Him providing the strength I have to keep going. After all, it is Him that has provided man with the intelligence to understand the deeper things of this life and beyond.
In my time I have spoken to people who are of the view that Sickle Cell Disease shouldn’t be acknowledged, but how can one pray against it if you don’t call it out as, and for what, it is? My blood has been tested, it is repeatedly tested every time I go for my reviews, it shows up that I have Sickle Cell Disease and I definitely, no qualms about it, feel that I have Sickle Cell Disease. The excruciating pain is not a figment of my imagination. You cannot pray effectively against something if you do not recognise it for what it is. To do other than that, you are in denial!
A Church service I watched on Sunday (link below) was entitled Forever Grateful. I so needed to hear the words, as I found that I was being enveloped in my own thoughts and the problems I face, rather than focus on what I need to be grateful for. I was focused on only negative things; doubt, fear, lack, loneliness. It was by receiving God’s Word on Sunday, that I was able to face yesterday, without feeling as though my world was falling apart. I awoke, being grateful. I boarded the bus, it took me to a stop and advised me that it was being held where it was, I then alighted and took the tube (which I had forgotten could take me where I wanted to go in minutes!): I avoided the traffic from the morning rush hour! All the time I gave thanks. I arrived at the hospital in time, was tested then was given the good news. I say good news because even though I had come to the realisation that my hearing was so bad (moderate to severe), it could have been a range of reasons why my hearing had changed. Obviously it hadn’t changed but I have to be grateful for that fact.
Whenever I post anything I like to post things that are encouraging. I suppose they are words I like to hear; encouragement, enlightenment and truth. 1 Thessalonians 5:10 tells us to encourage and comfort one another.
Therefore encourage and comfort one another and build up one another, just as you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 (AMP)
Even the tags I place within my pieces will only be positive words. It is not my aim to focus on the bad, unless I am forced to, as I try not to put negativity into my mind. The Lord knows that over the last couple of years it has been hard! However, we have to try. There are times where I allow myself to think negatively, because I want to feel pain; emotional self-harm. Bishop James Nanjo said we should stay focused on our own lives and The Lord. But what if the picture we see when we focus on our lives is not pleasing? Not what we want it to be? Then we change our focus to all the things we know, ordinarily, we should be grateful for. It is through gratitude that we grow. Not many people want to be stagnant. In fact being stagnant usually leads to mental or spiritual pain and on some occasions, even physical pain.
But as for us, we will bless and affectionately and gratefully praise the Lord from this time forth and forever. Praise the Lord! (Hallelujah!)
Psalm 115:18 (AMP)
Let your eyes look directly ahead [toward the path of moral courage] And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you [toward the path of integrity].
Proverbs 4:25 (AMP)
For he will not often consider the [troubled] days of his life, because God keeps him occupied and focused on the joy of his heart [and the tranquility of God indwells him].
Ecclesiastes 5:20 (AMP)
“You will keep in perfect and constant peace the one whose mind is steadfast [that is, committed and focused on You—in both inclination and character], Because he trusts and takes refuge in You [with hope and confident expectation].
Isaiah 26:3 (AMP)
The eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is clear [spiritually perceptive, focused on God], your whole body also is full of light [benefiting from God’s precepts]. But when it is bad [spiritually blind], your body also is full of darkness [devoid of God’s word].
Luke 11:34 (AMP)
but just as it is written [in Scripture], “Things which the eye has not seen and the ear has not heard, And which have not entered the heart of man, All that God has prepared for those who love Him [who hold Him in affectionate reverence, who obey Him, and who gratefully recognize the benefits that He has bestowed].”
1 Corinthians 2:9 (AMP)
who died [willingly] for us, so that whether we are awake (alive) or asleep (dead) [at Christ’s appearing], we will live together with Him [sharing eternal life].
1 Thessalonians 5:10 (AMP)
The last scripture is our goal! This piece may seem a mish mash of thoughts, but it is all linked to being grateful. I have begun a journal called The Weekly Gratitude Project. Amazingly I had bought it in December, suggested by a friend, but I just started it on Saturday! Then the live service I watched on Sunday was Forever Grateful! (I must attend physically rather than virtually, in the very near future!) There was good news at the hospital yesterday. I don’t believe in coincidences. Whenever you give thanks, God will fill the gaps, place you under His shelter, lead the way and so much more. This is where I am psychologically. My next step is to remain focused on a book that I have never read. I have so many books laying around, that had been bought many years ago: some haven’t been opened; some, only the first few pages have been viewed; but too many have not been read in their entirety. So, the one thing I have decided to do, is read them and then document it on my blog. The one I have started is Mindset by Dr Carol S. Dweck. I had actually thought it was my daughters book, which she had used at University, but it wasn’t. At some point I had thought to myself it would be a good book to read, and purchased it. I’m not stupid after all! The front page reads Mindset – How You Can Fulfil Your Potential – Business, Parenting, School, Relationships. I am excited! I intend to read and document my thoughts on it. I hope you will hop onto this journey with me and read my posts to follow.
Here’s to a change of my mindset. Here’s to a new grateful me. Here’s to a Growth Mindset. Here’s to 2022 and whatever it brings as, by the grace of Almighty God, I will be ready!
21 For to me, to live is Christ [He is my source of joy, my reason to live] and to die is gain [for I will be with Him in eternity].
22 If, however, it is to be life here and I am to go on living, this will mean useful andproductive service for me; so I do not know which to choose [if I am given that choice].
23 But I am hard-pressed between the two. I have the desire to leave [this world] and be with Christ, for that is far, far better;
24 yet to remain in my body is more necessary and essential for your sake.
25 Since I am convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith,
26 so that your rejoicing for me may overflow in Christ Jesus through my coming to you again.
27 Only [be sure to] lead your lives in a manner [that will be] worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I do come and see you or remain absent, I will hear about you that you are standing firm in one spirit [and one purpose], with one [1]mind striving side by side [as if in combat] for the faith of the gospel.
28 And in no way be alarmed or intimidated[in anything] by your opponents, for such [constancy and fearlessness on your part] is a [clear] sign [a proof and a seal] for them of [their impending] destruction, but [a clear sign] for you of deliverance and salvation, and that too, from God.
29 For you have been granted [the privilege] for Christ’s sake, not only to believe and confidently trust in Him, but also to suffer for His sake,
30 [and so you are] experiencing the same [kind of] conflict which [2]you saw me endure, and which you hear to be mine now.
I made and continue to make valleys and hills, the dry and the wet places. I set the cliffs with their glorious views, and their sudden drops. I touch the tops of huge mountains, where oxygen levels are thinner. All are places of MY beauty, home to innumerable creatures, many too small to see with the naked eye. My hand is visible throughout the earth. And so it is in the spiritual realms, my children.
You have labelled ‘spiritual valleys’ as places to get out of as soon as possible, to scramble away from. You have preached that the mountain-high experiences are to be gained at any, and at all costs. As a result, there are those who struggle, having been put aside. Have you forgotten that my Son served thankless people, and he fasted through wilderness times, living through torture, and was killed? Yet my Son did what he saw me do, following my will sinlessly.
When you feel that you are in a valley, know that I am in the valleys: I am everywhere. Moreover, there is beauty in valleys to be understood, and appreciated. Small, yet significant, new choices can unlock hope. The insights from Holy Spirit, which begin when wrestling hard things with me, will lead to strategies that transform. Do not be afraid of valleys. I am there and I give you wonders to enjoy.
Blessed and greatly favoured is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. Passing through the Valley of Weeping (Baca), they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with blessings. They go from strength to strength, [increasing in victorious power]; Each of them appears before God in Zion.
12 Now I want you to know, [1]believers, that what has happened to me [this imprisonment that was meant to stop me] has actually served to advance [the spread of] the good news [regarding salvation].
13 My imprisonment in [the cause of] Christ has become common knowledge throughout the whole [2]praetorian (imperial) guard and to everyone else.
14 Because of my chains [seeing that I am doing well and that God is accomplishing great things], most of the [3]brothers have renewed confidence in the Lord, and have far more courage to speak the word of God [concerning salvation] without fear [of the consequences, seeing that God can work His good in all circumstances].
15 Some, it is true, are [actually] preaching Christ out of envy and rivalry [toward me—for no better reason than a competitive spirit or misguided ambition], but others out of goodwill and a loyal spirit [toward me].
16 The latter [preach Christ] out of love, because they know that I have been put here [by God on purpose] for the defense of the gospel;
17 but the former preach Christ [insincerely] out of selfish ambition [just self-promotion], thinking that they are causing me distress in my imprisonment.
18 What then [does it matter]? So long as in every way, whether in pretense [for self-promotion] or in all honesty [to spread the truth], Christ is being preached; and in this I rejoice.
Yes, and I will rejoice [later as well],
19 for I know [with confidence] that this will turn out for my deliverance and spiritual well-being, through your prayers and the [superabundant] supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ [which upholds me].
20 It is my own eager expectation and hope, that [looking toward the future] I will not disgrace myself nor be ashamed in anything, but that with courage and the utmost freedom of speech, even now as always, Christ will be magnified and exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.
Philippians 1:13 This word is derived from the Latin praetor (leader, commander). Paul’s use of the word here indicates that he is referring to the troops who served as the emperor’s bodyguard, and evidently were also entrusted with the custody of prisoners who had come to Rome on appeal.
My Father and my God, I come before You giving all glory, honour and praise for what You have done, what You are doing and what You intend to do. I come before You with thanksgiving in my heart and with praise.
Today, I open myself, lay everything down and give You thanks!
My Father, I thank You for the many blessings You have placed in my life that not all are able to do the same: First and foremost the death and resurrection of Your Son, Jesus Christ; Your Word, which is the Manual for Life; Your saving grace; clothes on my back; friends and family; roof over my head; and a body, which may not be 100% but I thank You for what it can do.
Whatever happens throughout this week, I am determined to give You thanks. This is how You wish me to live in Christ Jesus, for He paid a price that no one else would do.
For that I am grateful!
1 Thessalonians 5:18 (paraphrased)
Throughout this week, place it within my spirit how I am to praise You and be grateful in a way that is pleasing to You. I know that as the praises go up, the blessings come down. However, let me not do it out of selfish ambition but because You are deserving of all praise.
I am grateful!
1 Chronicles 16:4 (paraphrased)
As I continually give thanks, help me as I let everyone know exactly what you have done; to share Your goodness and lovingkindness, because Your mercies endure forever.
I am teaching you to discern the difference between a storm, which you have authority to deal with and my power causing a shaking. I will use both to reveal my goodness in your life but I am in the business of upskilling you to know how to respond when these things happen.
Remember my nature, I am always looking to what will ultimately do you good as I establish my Kingdom. I will stretch and prune and shake, I am a good gardener. I will prune, plant and growth you. Lean into me in all these processes.
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.
John 15:1-2 (NIV)
See, I have this day set you over the nations and over the kingdoms, To root out and to pull down, To destroy and to throw down, To build and to plant.
Unapologetically Marcia 