INNOCUOUS TALK ON SUICIDE

Being someone that has experienced depression and on occasion suicidal thoughts, for the majority of my life, it rears its ugly head every now and then. If you suffer from depression, everytime someone seems to have ‘escaped’ this life and gone on, it’s possible to feel a little jealous. I say escaped but we don’t know what happens ‘on the other side’. That has been put in quotes but, being a Christian, I know what happens. Not everyone believes the same! Back to the topic at hand, I’ve had conversations with friends and family but not many understand or can relate. It’s more than feeling down but a feeling of desperation; not being able to breathe; not feeling understood; and a pain that cannot be explained. It’s not as clear, cut and dry as not having as many problems as anyone else, but it’s an issue of not being able to snap out of it and not seeing any reason to. In fact, at times, the feeling is that you don’t want to! Sometimes you have such a high, and you have a multitude of problems surrounding you, but everything feels okay. Other times you can reflect back on times past, or for no apparent reason at all, not even the multitudes I spoke of previously are the problem BUT… you just feel so desperately low. It’s a pain that cannot be explained. There seems to be a tightening of the chest, as though you can hardly breathe, and you don’t know how it can be softened and the tension released. No doubt, everyone’s experience is different, but that is mine. It’s not something that you can just snap out of, but you know you need a release. This is one of my reasons for starting a blog. As I type this I feel a release; I feel I can breathe. The thing with me is that I can hide things pretty well. When I feel depressed I don’t really want to explain because I don’t want to hear the words that I ‘have nothing to be sad about’. Unless a person walks in your shoes, has your body or your brain, they don’t know….BUT God! He’s always my help when I need Him! I just need to remain focused, because we are about to embark on times where He will be needed so much more.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

Psalm 46:1-3 (New International Version)

I began writing this a couple of months ago, after Caroline Flack took her own life, but this morning decided to take it up again. Only a few weeks later and people are falling ill, dying when they don’t want to. It was so different when it was across the waters, but now it is here, right where we are. It makes you have a different perspective on life. Those that are infected with, or have died of Coronavirus, have not had a say in whether or not their lives were affected or ending. The effects of this have transcended beyond the individuals laying in the hospital beds, being quarantined, or those staying at home because they are vulnerable, but extends to nurses who look after them in hospitals; members from different departments who have been relocated to each ground zero to assist with admin or do nursing jobs they haven’t done for years (all vying for adequate PPE, I hasten to add); families unable to visit loved ones; fathers unable to visit their newborn babies; and the families stuck at home who, under normal circumstances, would visit their family, friend or neighbour and keep them company for a few hours, especially during the lovely weather we’re having now. We are resigned to realising what we DO have control over or access to. If we are at home with loved ones, we are able to reconnect because, unless you are a Key Worker, there is no job to rush to. We can pick up the phone, because we have the time to call others and ask how people (that we haven’t spoken to for a long time) are doing. We can read (whether it be that book that has been sitting on the shelf since last year) or connect with our Father in the Holy Bible. This moment can be used as a time of reflection. Where we have come from. Where we are. Where we are going to.

In a past post, I had said after the New Year, the divorce rate can be at its highest. Right now couples are being pushed together for much more than a long weekend! Alas, there are fears for those who are in situations where domestic violence is taking place. I pray our Almighty Omnipresent God will be felt, and in control of, every household!

Provisions are available for all.

• Council Tax relief for those liable for an excess of £150;
• Frontline charities to receive £750 million to keep them ticking over;
• Government is able to pay salaries up to £2,500;
• NHS debt of over £13.4 billion to be written off;
• Banks and companies are permitting repayment holidays for credit cards and loans;
• Mortgage breaks for a period of 3 months;
• Nightingale hospital has been built and a number of additional ones on the way; and
• Shelter for the homeless; a concerted effort is being made to get the homeless off the streets. Quickly!

After providing all this and more, assistance extends to the self-employed, zero contract employees, freelancers and contractors. It leaves me wondering how monies are so readily available, all be it for a couple of months, and why some of these things weren’t on offer before. Being a vulnerable person, I receive food on a weekly basis, which allows me to eat. For 12 weeks all who are vulnerable need to stay inside, because our ability to fight Coronavirus and win, is low. I’m extremely grateful 🙏🏾

What we see is that this virus is no respecter of person, as in you could be rich or poor, of colour or white, young or old. Not many young have died of it BUT EVERY SINGLE DEATH STANDS IN ITS OWN RIGHT. One thing we, as the human race/society, need to do is recognise what divides us. I do believe that is now being realised. It’s amazing what times of adversity can do! Debates are being held, and as mentioned before, the Government appears to be pulling out all stops to assist in every way possible. The effects of this will be felt for a very long time, and life will never be the same again. The big question is will it be for the better or not. Thoughts of a pending global recession spring to mind and the world will be in mourning. ‘We all stand together’, looking after our own and feeling and knowing what others are dealing with. The divide between the haves and have-nots needs to be lessened, so that at least basic needs are met for all.

A song came to mind:

My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus Christ, my Righteousness;

I dare not trust the sweetest frame,

But wholly lean on Jesus’ name

On Christ the solid Rock, I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand,

All other ground is sinking sand

When your hope is built on The Most High, you need never fear. He is the only one that can really keep you going.

There are different explanations for what is globally occurring at the moment. In the not too distant future, I will go through them and leave you to reach your own verdict.

As always, I remain, Unapologetically Marcia…